Afraid of giving Birth
I am a mother of one. She is already 5 years old. I would like to have another baby but I am really afraid of giving birth. I think I am traumatize of my first labor. I am afraid of bloods and cuts after I get labor of my first child.
Kindly advice me on what to do?..
And Also I am confused on how to feed my baby girl right? well, she doesn't seems to enjoy eating foods.
And most especially, I am not a mother type who teaches my daughter. Every time I try to teach her for her lessons. I get easily stress and angry and that leds to beating and I know my daughter feels that she is not loved. What should I do?
I am so sorry to hear that you experienced trauma during your first birth. Of your three questions I'd like to respond to what I consider the most concerning in an immediate sense, first. When you refer to teaching your child lessons, do you mean helping with homework? Or do you mean trying to teach her new concepts or information?
An important thing to note is that physically harming your child is never acceptable for any reason. Doing so damages a child's sense of worth, self image and trust which has lifelong effects on their ability to love and trust others, and form relationships. It also permanently damages the bond between parent and child. Just like when an adult beats another adult, it is virtually impossible to respect them. Mutual respect between parents and children is crucial to well-rounded social and emotional development, and in safely navigating the teenage years! My rule of thumb for parents is if you would not do or say it to an adult in public, it is no more acceptable to do or say it to a child anywhere.
If teaching your child leads to beating your child then you must change this pattern for both your and your child's sake. Seeking parenting counselling and/or joining a parenting support group can help. As an Early Childhood Professional I recommend the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) it is run in 25 countries worldwide. Here is their website: Triple P . Keeping in mind that parenting becomes harder when pregnant or mothering more than one, this is an issue best addressed before baby number two comes along.
As to the trauma you experienced in your child's birth, again I am very sorry to hear or it. The unfortunate truth is many women have experienced birth trauma and when pondering a second child may be afraid of facing another birth. I consider this as much a tragedy as the original trauma itself because it doesn't have to be that way. Have you sought counselling to help deal with the trauma you experienced? There is a section on Birth trauma on our website in which you will find articles which may assist you.
On to your last question. When it comes to getting children to eat, I think most parents find this hard. The first most important thing to remember is the more you try to force your child to eat the more traumatic meal times will become for everyone. This is also something attending Triple P can help with.
Children will generally eat when they are hungry and if you offer only nutritionally balanced food and snacks, then what they eat and when they eat becomes less important. If your child currently eats foods high in fat, salt and/or sugar, then these need to be largely removed so that when she does eat it is good wholesome food. There is a thread on forum you may like to read about addressing children not finishing meals: Finishing Food
I do urge you to seek assistance in developing some gentler parenting strategies and also in unpacking your fear around birth.
How are you? I would like to strongly second the comments posted by mumof2IVFmiracles above. Physically hurting a child is never ok. As a rule of thumb, if one's behaviour is not acceptable to display towards an adult (whether physically, mentally or emotionally) then neither is it acceptable to display towards a child.
In this previous thread I talk about gentle discipline and the evidence for this and how this has a lifelong impact on our children.
Please do post back any further questions/ comments about this here as we would like to support you in this.
I am very sorry to hear that your first birth was traumatic. With good support (from professionals, you birth partner, family and friends) there is no reason why your next birth cannot be a positive, empowering experience. Have you had any counselling (either formally or informally) after this traumatic birth?