Working through miscarriage emotions
Earlier this year I received a wonderful pregnancy announcement from a friend who had been trying to conceive for many years. Sadly, her excitement turned to sadness and grief when she miscarried early on in her pregnancy.
So I wrote to my mother-in-law to ask for suggestions on how I could support my friend. My mother-in-law works with post abortive women, and there are some similarities in the loss of a child through miscarriage and the loss through abortion. Both women experience the loss of a child which can have a great emotional impact on them.
I'd like to share with you some ways you can work through your own miscarriage or how you can support a friend.
Miscarriage can is very devastating to many mums and they do grieve, often for a year or so, and usually silently. Often times they have no support. If you know someone who has had a recent miscarriage, it's important to acknowledge the loss, and coming by her side in her grief is always supportive.
You can send a note or card and let her know you care and are praying for her. Encourage her to grieve by letting her know that there are books to read on miscarriage loss. "Tear Soup," and "I'll Hold You in Heaven" are two good ones.
You may also want to suggest that she might want to do a small memorial of some kind and name her baby. All of these can be helpful for her to do over a period of a few months. It is alway healthy to grieve our losses and can help with future conception attempts.
Sometimes women who miscarry have guilt and anger to work through before they can do the naming and letting go. Anger over the miscarriage and guilt that maybe they did something to cause it without knowing it. Confusion over not understanding why they lost the baby and there can even be anger toward God.
"Heaven is for Real" might be a good book to read also, probably a little down the road, after she has named her baby. You might also encourage her to write a journal of her thoughts and feelings. Just a few sentences each day for a while.
Have you had a miscarriage? How did you feel about it?