Too Much Carries?
Hi there everyone! I was wondering if there was such a thing as too much carrying. Bub is 5 months and I am finding that he does *not* want to be put down. At all! During breastfeeding, he cries when I breastfeed him sitting down. He will only breastfeed calmly when I am carrying him in my arms AND walking around. He is 20lbs++ so this is becoming very tiring for me. Sometimes, when I just need to put him down in his cot for a few minutes to I can go to the lu, he'd cry! I believe in attachment parenting but is bub getting just a bit... too attached?
I am sorry you are tired. Honestly, there is no way for a baby to get too attached. A baby that young needs constant contact. I know it is hard at times, but this is a short phase in an otherwise long life and pretty soon he will be running off to explore things and need you less and less.
Do you have a partner who can take on some of the responsibility? Maybe you can let someone else you trust keep him a few hours a week so you can have some time alone?
Thank you for putting it in perspective. He is indeed becoming more mobile and you are absolutely right that very soon, my little one will be crawling then walking. I'd probably miss these times, tiring they may be.
I do have a partner and he has been wonderful. He would support my arms while I carry bub and we walk around. It's a team effort! He does babysit (a lot) but when he has to go sneeze or go to the lu real quick, it's very hard to hear bub crying at the top of his lungs. It breaks our heart.
I know that this time can seem difficult. It is true that soon he will be mobile and will want to explore everything. Have you tried using any type of baby carrier? Those really helped me when my little ones needed to be held often. I also believe in attachment parenting, but I also don't think you should feel badly if you have to run to the loo for a moment and set him down (somewhere safe, of course.) I know it breaks your heart to hear him cry, but coming back quickly and offering reassurance will help him know you haven't left.
We do use a baby carrier (kinda like a Moby wrap but less, um, "cloth mileage") but my little one fidgets and fusses most of the time when in it. He'd get fussy after a while, so for us, babywearing time doesn't last very much but it does help A LOT.
What I've started doing to help him get used to the idea that we will come back is to play peek-a-boo behind a door and prolonging the time that I go "boo". I start with 3 seconds hiding, then increase it bit by bit. I see him looking, expecting mum to go boo, but not crying, so maybe that will work. I know at this age, they don't have "object permanence" yet and reassurance is really what he needs right now from me.
I hope things are getting easier for you. Remember that you are giving your son everything he needs by breastfeeding him and so obviously caring for him. :D
If you did try to get him to settle in a carrier for longer then you could even breastfeed in the carrier. There's a useful thread here including a link with photos explaining how to do this with a ring sling.
It does get easier as they get more mobile!
Our 2nd child was a fussy baby and would not fall asleep at the breast. He required constant movement and he couldn't even relax enough to fall asleep on the bed with me or next to me on the floor.
At 13 months of age he was still sleeping in his swing. I learned about a Craniosacral Osteopath and I took my baby to her. During his first (extremely gentle) treatment, he relaxed and nearly fell asleep during the treatment. I learned that my son had very little movement in two of the plates in his scull, and no movement at all in one of them (there should be a lot of movement in all plates of the scull). My son had a headache from the day he was born.
The doctor said everything was fine when I asked about some concerns, and it was only the Osteopath who even thought to check the plates in his head. After my son's 3rd treatment, he actually fell asleep on the floor while breastfeeding. Tears filled my eyes as I finally had a baby who would fall asleep at the breast.
The Osteopath told me that the reason my son was so fussy was because of his constant headache. When he would watch his sister play, he was distracted enough to be okay. When he was in his swing, the motion distracted him so that he could relax and fall asleep. But, I kid you not, he literally slept in his swing until he was 13 months old. After that I was able to bring him to bed with us and we did the family bed thing until he was about 3.
I only bring this up because it seems odd to me that your son wants to have constant movement while you are breastfeeding him. Has he always preferred movement, or was there a time when he was content to just lay quietly or feed while you were sitting? (Other than the first few weeks of life when babies sleep for most of the time.)