Advise for a friend who had sufferred multiple pregnancy loss
I am a mother of a 1 year-old baby girl. Around the time I was pregnant with my first-born, a close friend of mine was also pregnant. It was her 2nd pregnancy, the first one ended when she had pre-mature labor. She was very happy since they were not expecting to get pregnant right away (just a year after her 1st miscarriage). Their happiness doubled when they found out that she was carrying twins! I knew how careful she was, eating the right kind of food, following her doctor's orders... so nobody can say that she did not take care of herself and her unborn babies.
It was on her 26th week that she experienced some bleeding and mild contractions. I, on the other hand is on my 25th week. She was in the labor room for 2 days, her doctors doing everything they can to delay her delivery. But the inevitable happened, she delivered the twins (boy and girl) prematurely at 26 weeks.
It was a few weeks after that the girl passed away due to a blood infection. Her little boy fought for 3 months, but his tiny body is just not yet ready for life outside the womb.
I felt really sad for my friend, that when I found out what happened I was lost for words, I don't know what to tell her and how to console her. Even now, I still find it hard to talk to her. She seemed to be doing fine, but I know deep inside she is still grieving.
I'd like to ask other mums out there, how do you talk to a friend who has already suffered multiple child loss? Are there words that should be avoided?
Thank you in advance.