without a father and a husband

Dear Everyone,

I got worried on how to raise my kids perfectly without them having a father.
My husband is nowhere to found and she went with another girl. I really don't
understand why this has happened to me. The fact that I have handled all my
duties and responsibilities being a wife and a mother of four kids. It's still hurting
me and the pain hasn't been gone. My children still misses their father and sometimes got jealous with some other children who has a father. I still cry late at night.
I'm just getting strength from my kids and I also talk to GOD.

I would love to hear from all of you.

Thanks,

havingaprincess

Dear havingaprincess,

I'm so sorry to hear about the hurt and pain your husband caused you and how your children miss him. I can't imagine how upsetting it must be, although I have got friends who have become single parents.

I do not think you should feel guilty. You are a great mum - it is not your fault that this happened. The friends I have who are single parents find it really helpful to get support from other single parents. There may be a local support group near to you and I think it would be really good if you could go along to this and share the challenges of being a single parent with other mums and dads.

There are also a number of charities which support single parents. For example,Gingerbread: here is a factsheet produced by the charity on looking after your emotional health as a single parent.

I believe that, with the right support network, it will get easier for you and your children as time goes on. Do you have supportive family and friends at church and from school etc nearby who can help? Do you have any male family friends/relatives who can help to give your children a male role model?

Of course, we are here for you too on this forum.

I'm so sorry again and I am thinking of you.

Best wishes,

LJ

I'm so sorry havingaprincess. I was a single mother when my oldest child was a baby and it can be a difficult and lonely road. However, you should not blame yourself for your husband's actions nor should you feel guilty. From everything I have read about you on the forums, you are a good mum who loves her children and does the best she can.

It will be difficult at first, but once you get your groove you will find that single parenthood does not have to be a terrible experience. I second LJ's suggestion that you reach out to your local community for support. Focus on healing yourself and spending time with your children.

Hi Havingaprincess,

I agree with everything LJ and mom2many have said. I would encourage you to find a church in your community where you can become involved and find support. Sometimes it takes time, and you have to visit a few different ones to find a good fit, but you may find it very helpful during this time of transition.

Focus on all the good you can instill in your children now, without your husband's input. There may be areas that you didn't agree with (i.e. not breastfeeding in public) that you can now do without his negative comments. There will be some areas that will give you more freedom now to raise your children the best you can.

Be sure you are taking a high quality multi-vitamin. This can even be a prenatal vitamin as you are still breastfeeding. You need the extra nutrition while going through this stressful time.

Hugs,

Kate