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  1. #1

    Unhappy Husband Issues

    Hello fellow mums and those who want to be one like myself. It's hard to go through the process of conceiving and I feel that I have no one to talk to about these things because I don't have my mum anymore. Well, I just got married and he is going to be 36 and Im 28 (the one with the partial ovary and is overweight).

    - My husband doesn't have any kids with his ex girlfriends which is quite weird with his age. He is a chain smoker, loves 3 tablespoons of sugar with 1 CUP of coffee which tastes like syrup, he has like 8 cups a day and a drinker but he goes to the gym and eats healthy. Whenever I try to stop him, he says his dad is also the same and they are 6 in the family. He is very stubborn.

    - Second is that we don't have sex often. I am known for my paranoia about these things and it drives me crazy. He says that he is not the guy who's live revolves around sex and that he is just so tired. Though before he admitted that he was a bit disappointed because I don't have orgasm with sexual intercourse and that he feels that he is not good enough. Though even if he reads sex stories he doesn't masturbate. He just goes to bed hugs and tickles me and sleeps.
    Is there such a thing as a guy who is not totally crazed about sex? It has been 2 and a half months now since we did it. I have a time clock and he doesn't. Just makes me sad. Though I have read that certain lifestyles can really make you lose interest such as too much nicotine, sugar and caffeine. Is this true?

    Please help me. I'm getting desperate. =(


  2. #2
    I am sorry you are having a tough time. How long have you all been together? Everyone has ups and downs, there are time that my husband and I do not have sex very often. Is there anything else going on? How does your husband feel about having children? Is he onboard?

    It is true that your lifestyle can most definitely affect your sex drive. I am just wondering if anything else is at play.

  3. #3
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    jcb's Avatar
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    I agree with mom2many. There may be something emotionally going on with your husband that perhaps he doesn't feel ready to have children, or feels inadequate etc. That is something you 2 need to try to talk about and be open about how you are both feeling.
    Apart from that on the lifestyle side, I'm not surprised he's tired all the time! All that sugar and caffeine makes for a very worn out body. Perhaps that is why he drinking so much coffee to get him through the day. Having said that, obviously he will only improve if he is willing to change his lifestyle.
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    buderimosteopath's Avatar
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    Hmmm from a chaps' perspective it sounds like he has some issues going on inside. But for a man to talk about this is going to be hard to get him to. Firstly, money and providing and secondly feeling that he can be a "proper" Dad are the big ones. His sugar issues need addressing and urgently and you may find he is either mentally or physically exhausted underneath and he needs this sugar kick to keep him going. A good detox and a rebuilding of his mental and chemical health would be a good start.
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  5. #5
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    Mumof2IVFmiracles's Avatar
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    Hi Readytobeamum

    I'm so sorry to hear of the issues you are having. I am going to go ahead and state the obvious. It sounds to me like you need couples counselling. There are lots of complex issues in here and I can help but wonder, a bit like Dr Roger, whether the smoking, alcohol, sugar and low sex drive are not a sign of a deeper emotional issue. In short, it sounds like you both need some help to start working on these issues.

    I know men can resist seeking counselling, but what is the alternative? It seems you both have health and personal issues to resolve before conception could be a possibility. Incidently, while sugar will give your husband a short term energy boost, the crash that follows results in even greater feelings of exhaustion.

    Hoping things improve
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