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  1. #1

    Disappointed brother because of a much more popular sister

    I have a daughter and son who goes to the same school. My daughter is intelligent, very active and popular among schoolmates. My son likewise attains high grades but is less active, shy and doesn't join much school activities. The problem is, we notice his disappointment whenever we talk about his sister's achievements. We do not want him to think less of himself. How do we prevent this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Hi MomOfThree,

    One thing that can greatly help you in parenting children with different temperaments is to understand the personalities of each person in your family.

    Once you understand your son's strengths and weaknesses, you will be more sensitive in talking about his sister's achievements in front of him, and you will be able to help him understand why she is the way she is, and he is the way he is.

    There are 4 major personalities, and it sounds like your daughter is a "social butterfly" while your son feels more comfortable in a smaller setting with maybe just focusing on having a conversation with one person.

    She may enjoy being involved in a lot of activities and meeting lots of people, and this kind of a situation may make your son feel uncomfortable. Your son is probably a sensitive person who tends to be the "peacemaker" of the family and doesn't like conflict. These people make great caregivers, nurses, child care providers and nurturing husbands (if a man) or wives (if a woman).

    We have all 4 personalities in our family and once we all learned what everyone's strengths and weaknesses were it just became easier for everyone to get along and be happy. For me (mum), I was able to assign household chores according to my children's natural strengths (I have one child that sees the spots on the floors and the crumbs on the counters and I give her more cleaning jobs than I do the others). When she was little she would grab a wash cloth and clean. That's one of her natural strengths.

    Here's a post I made awhile back which shares more about each temperament. It's called Understanding Personalities Makes For A Happy Family.

    Please let me know if you learn anything helpful from that article.

    Warm Regards,


  3. #3
    Hi Kate,

    Thank you for this insightful reply. I read your post on understanding personalities and it gave me better understanding of my family's different temperaments. I realized I am a Beaver, my hubby is an Otter which might be why we sometimes quarrel especially when planning things. You are right, my son is probably a Beaver too and I need to be more encouraging for him to develop his natural abilities.

    Thank you very much.


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