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  1. #1
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    Post Does carrying your baby whenever they start to cry would make them spoiled?

    I have noticed that my sister's first baby is really spoiled right now, and based on my observation, her husband doesn't want to hear their baby cry, so whenever my niece starts to cry my sister has to always carry her. Now, it seems like her baby cries a lot. My question is the same as on my title. Does carrying your baby whenever they start to cry would make them spoiled? If so, how are we going to care with our baby without making them spoiled by crying by the way?

    I'm really looking forward to hear from you soon.


    Sincerely,

    Suezzy

  2. #2
    Hi Suezzy,

    Thank you for your post.

    I don't believe it is possible to 'spoil' a baby or make them 'spoilt'. Parents were made to respond to their baby's cries. In fact, studies have shown that it is physically impossible for a mum to ignore the cry of her baby and function well doing another task simultaneously.

    Some babies do cry more than other babies, but carrying your baby helps to reduce the crying. Are you talking about babywearing (wearing the baby in a sling) or just carrying a baby in your arms?

    Many studies have found that an excellent attachment is formed between mums that breastfeed their babies on demand and also babywear. This increases the bond between parent and baby and helps the baby to grow in confidence and develop well socially. Babies need to see their parent's face when they are unsure to check what is a threat and what is not.

    When women wear their babies in a sling for a significant amount of time each day. Dr. Markham writes:

    'Attachment parenting is based on responding to a baby’s needs, which in infancy include staying in very close proximity to the parent....babies thrive when their attachment needs are met.'

    Dr Sears similarly writes:

    'Attachment studies have spoiled the spoiling theory....A child must go through a stage of healthy dependence in order to later become securely independent.'

    In my experience, if you breastfeed your baby on demand (day and night), babywear lots and sleep close to your baby they will cry very little because they will know their mum is close by.

    With best wishes,

    LJ

  3. #3
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    Hi LJ,

    Thank you so much for your response by the way.

    I was just wondering actually, because I saw my niece as she gets older (she is now 2 years). She could not sleep without having my sister carry her to sleep, you know? She cries nonstop whenever my sister thought that she is already sleeping; and when she attempts to put her down on the bed, she will immediately cries. ^^" I happened to babysit her one time as well and I had the same experience. So, I don't know if it's really good to always do that (to carry) or not. She does not have any problem overall, because she is really a smart kid.

    Again, thanks a lot LJ


    Yours truly,

    Suezzy

  4. #4
    Thanks for your reply Suezzy.

    In view of your question about your niece being unable to fall asleep happily on her own; I can thoroughly recommend that book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. There is an article by Elizabeth Pantley here about reading your baby's sleepy solutions which is also excellent.

    Often babies and children learn to go to sleep when a certain stimuli is occurring; in your niece's case this is being carried. I am still not sure if you are talking about babywearing or being carried and rocked in her mother's arms? Either way, there are ways to gently wean a child off needing this stimuli to occur in order to fall asleep. Gradually reducing the amount your niece is carried could help her to start to fall asleep on her own.

    If she has been carried to sleep from the age of a baby it may take some months until she is able to fall asleep on her own. However, a gentle, slow approach has the advantage of not being disruptive or upsetting to the child which could lead to her feeling un-confident.

    One suggestion would be to carry your niece until she is almost asleep and then put her down in her bed. If she wakes up and is unhappy then pick her up again but gradually use this approach more and more each night until she is happy to be put down to fall asleep on the bed. She could still be cuddled to sleep on the bed.

    I would say it is only if the carrying to sleep is an issue for the parents or the child then it needs to be changed. However, if the parents and child are still happy with this method then they could continue with it. Many children of around 2.5-3 years old naturally start to find it easier to sleep on their own as they reach a certain developmental point. I believe in positive parenting rather than parenting out of fear (which in this case could be fear that the toddler will never fall asleep on her own - she will). As you say, your niece is a 'smart kid' and is obviously happy and well-adjusted so it sounds like her parents are doing a great job in bringing her up to feel self-confident.

    Best wishes,

    LJ
    Last edited by ljmarsden; 17th August 2013 at 05:36 AM.

  5. #5
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    Hi LJ,

    Thank you so much for the information by the way. I'm talking about being carried and rocked, which I thought made them spoiled over it. Now, I understand especially when you said that they will naturally start to find it easier to sleep on their own when they reach a certain development point though.

    Another question if you don't mind? How to wean a toddler from thumb sucking by the way? What causes it that they do that?


    Curious member,

    Suezzy

  6. #6
    Hi Suezzy,

    Thanks - I'm so pleased that the information and links above were helpful.

    Many toddlers and babies suck their thumbs for comfort. Some babies suck their thumbs when they are wanting to explore the world more but do not yet have all the skills needed to grab and hold the toys they are interested in. There is a post on the Dr. Sears (attachment parenting website) here about thumb sucking.

    Many toddlers will just stop sucking their thumbs on their own. One gentle parenting approach to this is just to leave the toddler to stop sucking their thumb when they feel ready

    If your neice is only 2 then this is not very old to still be sucking her thumb. How often does she suck her thumb and when does she suck her thumb? If it is in the daytime then perhaps giving her an engaging activity where she needs to use the thumb sucking hand will distract her from the thumb sucking and she will then begin to do it less and less. You don't want to make a big deal out of it/ make her feel emotionally concerned about stopping thumb sucking if she associates comfort and calmness with it.

    Best wishes,

    LJ

  7. #7
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    Hi LJ,

    She tends to suck her thumb when she's sleepy actually or when she's about to sleep. Is this just a way for her to feel comfortable sleeping and is this normal by the way?

    I have a friend who is a dentist and she told me, that thumb sucking might change my niece's teeth alignment that it might protrude, and we don't want that.

    Sincerely,

    Suezzy
    Last edited by 0Suezzy4; 19th August 2013 at 12:13 PM.

  8. #8
    Hi Suezzy,

    Yes that's right - your niece associates sucking her thumb with comfort when she is feeling sleepy. I would consider this very normal for her age.

    Given that your niece only really sucks her thumb when she is about to go to sleep and she is only 2 it should not cause problems with her teeth alignment. The current dental recommendation is to help children to stop sucking their thumb by the time their adult teeth come in.

    Best wishes,

    LJ

  9. #9
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    Hi LJ,

    I see. So, we will just let her do that until she gets older by the way?

    Yes, she does only sucks her thumb whenever she is sleepy or about to sleep actually. So, it would not really cause anything bad for her teeth, right?

    Sincerely,

    Suezzy

  10. #10
    Whatever you are all most comfortable with - but yes I agree this sounds good.

    LJ

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