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Thread: Loss of A Twin

  1. #1

    Loss of A Twin

    I have a friend who just gave birth to twins. One was a live birth the other was not. What can I do to help her?

  2. #2
    Dear dwright7799,

    I'm so very sorry to read this. My heart breaks for your friend.

    Everyone experiences grief differently, and grief in this situation will be full of strong emotions. Your friend has one beautiful baby who she is getting to know and yet she is going through the immense pain and tragedy of losing this baby's twin. Again, I am so sorry.

    I think that your main role is just to be there for her in whatever way she needs. She may want to talk in great detail for hour upon hour about what has happened or she may want to sit in silence. Follow her lead and just be there. You don't necessarily have to say anything or give any advice in these situations but your presence or even just offer of your presence may be what she needs.

    Your friend may not feel up to talking or even sending you a message so you could send her a card to let her know you are thinking of her at this very sad time.

    I hope that your friend is being well-supported by health professionals and other support organisations. Many families find that child bereavement charities are really helpful in counselling them and putting them in touch with other families who have also experienced the loss of a baby.

    Here is a link to the twinloss NZ website which contains many useful articles to support parents who have lost one twin. There are many organisations like this around the world. Many also offer a counselling and support service.

    The loss of one twin makes the birth bittersweet; the new life of one twin being celebrated alongside the tragedy of the lost twin who will always be remembered and missed.

    You may find it useful to read this booklet produced by TAMBA (the Twins and Multiple Birth Association) entitled 'For Parents who have lost one or more babies from a multiple birth'. You could also pass this resource onto your friend if she asks for more support. The author writes:

    'The experience of being a bereaved parent of multiples is a devastating one, full of conflicting emotions. Parents often feel overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of their feelings.'

    My thoughts and prayers are with your friend,
    Last edited by ljmarsden; 31st December 2013 at 07:32 AM.

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