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  1. #1

    Unhappy My insensitive husband

    Is it my fault that when me and my husband started our marriage life, I did not obliged him to financially provide our family (because at that time, I had a well paying job), I used to spend my own money and he uses his own money too. Now that I don't have so much money, he is just insensitive to understand that he must hand me his earnings so I would be the one to budget whatever money we have for the family. I want to feel that he trust me with his finances that I want him to voluntarily give his earnings to me and I will be the one to do the budgeting. Because what happens is that he manages his own money and I do not have any money to manage at all because I don't have stable income and I feel worthless. Please give me some pieces of advise on how can I reverse the situation where he should feel that it is his responsibility to provide for the family and he should realize that I am his life partner and not a mere errand. I am really upset with the situation now though sometimes, I feel that I am to be blamed about this. Please enlighten me. Thanks a lot.

  2. #2
    Dear aejaethemum,

    I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. That must be difficult.

    I think what is important here is that you work together; after all a marriage is a partnership in which a husband and wife are equal. Although each will bring different qualities, characteristics and strengths to the marriage; each should work (whether paid or not) to support the other and, of course, the whole family.

    I can thoroughly recommend The Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee (this book is now available worldwide). This book is designed to be read and worked through as a couple and it has lots of helpful exercises and quizzes which aim to resolve any conflict situations you have (like the one you describe above). This book particularly springs to mind because it has sections focusing on finances and how these can be managed as a married couple.

    There are also marriage courses which I would recommend you invest your time in together; again these will also look at finances as well as every area of marriage.

    It sounds like perhaps trusting each other is part of the issue here. I wonder if you also make time together to have dates and just spend time having fun together. It would be ideal if you could have at least one protected date night a week. This doesn't need to be expensive or even involve going out. You could transform your living room with candles, music and a nice tablecloth and sit down and have a special meal together. Spend time talking together each day so that you really understand the stresses and worries in each others' lives, as well as what makes you happy.

    Please post back and let me know what you think of these suggestions.
    Thinking of you,
    LJ
    Last edited by ljmarsden; 7th April 2014 at 02:39 AM.

  3. #3
    New Member

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Amsterdam, Nederalands
    Posts
    2
    This is very difficult situation for you...

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