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1st April 2014 01:29 PM #1
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
How do I explain to my kids that their dad and I are separating?
I've been married for 11 years with two lovely kids, 10 y/o daughter and 9 y/o son. Sad to say that my relationship with my husband is not working out anymore. I found out that he was cheating over a year ago and after that incident everything has changed. We have been trying to save our marriage for a year until we have finally decided that it's over.
My biggest concern is how am I going to explain it to my kids? I don't want them to get devastated. I know they are not that young anymore but I'm afraid it could affect their studies and a lot of things.
2nd April 2014 06:53 AM #2
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
I always saddens my heart when I hear stories like this. I had the same concern a long time ago where four children were involved. It was a difficult time for my children and for me. Not knowing how the environment has been, whether it was argumentative, violent, abusive, etc., I have experienced that truth on the level that children are at is always best. No need to go into details that children generally don't understand, find blame, or speak ill of "daddy", or anything like that.
My children were devastated, the household was abusive from A to Z, however, I was truthful and told them that daddy wasn't going to live here anymore, but he will always be their dad. I learned the hard way to not allow our own personal opinions be placed upon our kids. They don't know how to handle that kind of pain as it is, so to add more and add confusion as well. Love them, and begin to prepare yourself as well as the children for changes.
2nd April 2014 07:06 AM #3
I'm so very sorry to read this. Even though your children are not tiny ones I know this will be such a difficult time for you all. You have my thoughts.
Have you been seeing a marriage counselling/ seeking marriage guidance? - I ask because these charities and organisations can also help with how to tell your children if you are separating. They have a lot of experience with this.
My other suggestion would be to get some good books, aimed at children, on parents separating. Here are some recommended books by the children's charity Barnardos.
It would also be good to talk to your children's school about this as soon as is possible. They may also be able to suggest some children's counselors who can help you.
Finally, I would say to go at a slow, gentle pace when talking to your children about this and answer all their questions as honestly as you can.
Thinking of you at this difficult time.