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Thread: It's Sonybopper
9th July 2014 10:57 AM #1
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
Hello my name is Sonybopper and I am so happy to be surrounded by women who want the same thing as myself and face the same struggles. I have one beautiful child, and in many regards, I am still a single mother even though I am engaged. We have been through so much together in my son's short life and we are so connected and I am grateful for him. He emotionally was all the family I had, even though I have my immediate family close by. Now that my wonderful fiancée has come to increase our family, it has been a major transition and it was even more transition when my future hubby's his fraternal children came to live with us. Their mother has been very hateful towards me and speaks ill of me to her children. As a result, the children were overwhelmingly disrespectful in the beginning, and since that awful period, it seems to only fluctuate between ok behavior and bad behavior, and then it switches between the two of them or it is both of them together being difficult. We both realize they have been through a lot and do not know how to deal with all they have experienced while living with their mom, so we know they need counseling. We are looking for just the right people, although their life at their mother's home combats what we are trying to teach them. For this, I am scared to have a baby, but I want one with the only man I have ever truly loved. He is not oblivious to their behavior but I also know he is blinded by some of it because they are his precious babies. I already know that I would not allow them to be alone with the baby, and that would cause a problem in my marriage. Also, I am concerned about how my body will respond to having a baby. I am having trouble loosing weight right now and I hope wanting a baby does not equal a permanent state of mild obesity. And their is my dilemma. I need some help...
10th July 2014 05:38 AM #2
A warm welcome to you! Thank you for joining our forum.
We have members from all sorts of family set-ups and we will work to support and encourage you here on the Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond forum.
It sounds like it must be very difficult for you but that you and your fiance are working together to do your very best. You are doing the right thing. It is so important that you and your fiance are a united family and that all of your children learn that this is how your marriage, and your family, will be. I agree that counselling can be really useful when children have been through a difficult family breakdown. They need to learn to trust again and this is not helped if anyone (the children's biological mother in this case) is being negative or disrespectful towards other carers or parents.
It is understandable that children in this situation are more likely to have behavioural issues. They need to learn to trust again. Sometimes they need to learn to receive unconditional love again. It can be a long process but one where gentleness and forgiveness are key.
How do the older children act and talk around your baby? You say you wouldn't want them to be alone with your baby? This sounds worrying. I hope you are ok.
You are right that it is best to prepare yourself emotionally and physically before you have a baby. In particular, having a healthy weight can make it easier to conceive as well as make it more likely that you have a healthy pregnancy and easier birth. You may also like to have a look at this article on preconception care.
Have you got any family charities or organisations helping to support you and your fiance in your new family set-up?
With warm wishes,