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  1. #1

    How can I get better half to open up?

    I had a miscarriage back in December that completely devastated myself and my better half. I wasn't very far along (maybe four weeks or so), but the loss itself has been very difficult for us to bear. He has never gone through this process, whereas I have in a previous marriage. I am taking steps to cope with the situation, but he keeps everything he feels bottled up, and refuses to talk about it. I know this isn't healthy, and I really want to help him. How can I get him to open up about the miscarriage and help him heal?

  2. #2

    I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. A miscarriage is a tragedy at any stage in pregnancy, no matter how early. Everyone in the family needs to grieve.

    That is difficult that your partner does not want to talk about it. Is he generally more of an introvert than an extrovert? Does he often vocalise his emotions or does he show them in other ways? I am wondering he it may help him to express his grief using other methods to talking. For example, many couples find that having a physical memorial to their lost baby (such as a plant or a sculpture or a painting perhaps) can help them to come to terms with what they have lost. It can also help individuals to go through the grieving process in a quieter, more internally reflective way. After this process has occurred some people then find it easier to talk to their spouse about what has happened.

    Sometimes writing poetry or a letter to the baby can help with the grieving process. The loss will always be there but it will be less intense with time. This poem was written by one of our forum members: Little Girl You Left So Soon.

    I do think that finding a way of remembering your baby is helpful at this time. There are some more ideas here in this article Losing Temperance.

    Does he have any male friends who have been through a miscarriage he might like to talk to? This doesn't need to replace talking to you, of course, but may help to bring someone else's experience to this difficult situation. Professional counselling is another alternative.

    Does your partner enjoy any sporting activities where he can do something physical whilst thinking and coming to terms with what has happened? Are you able to take a short break or holiday as a family to spend time together and talk when he is ready?

    I do hope some of this helps.
    Warm wishes,

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