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Thread: Parenting

  1. #1

    Parenting

    My husband is a very hot tempered person. I am just concerned about my 7yo baby girl since everytime she does something wrong, he would unintentionally hit her. Like pulling her hair, spanking her and say some few bad things about her. My child cries and goes silent whenever he does that. Please give me some advice on how to handle this situation.

  2. #2
    Hi fran_1225,

    I'm so sorry to hear this. How upsetting for your daughter and you.

    I would say that it is essential that you get this sorted out with your husband. Extensive research now shows that any form of physical violence used against children can have long-term detrimental effects on their well-being, development and the way they themselves deal with anger and form relationships as adults.

    I would have a long talk to him about this and ask him to read and understand the research and recommendations from charities and health organisations about using no violence at all against our children. Any physical act against them, no matter how seemingly small or done in temper, can have negative consequences for them.

    The Children's charity NSPCC have produced the resource 'why smacking is never a good idea' and they have this information on positive parenting. Save the Children's statement about this topic is 'years of experience show that smacking doesn't work. It can have a very detrimental outcome on a child's development.'

    For better, more effective, relationship-focussed ways to deal with behaviour have a look at Dr. Sears' gentle discipline resources.

    Even in a temper we are still responsible for our actions. They may not be planned out in advance but they are chosen and not an accident. There are anger management classes available for adults who are having issues with their anger.

    How much time does he spend with his children in general? Prioritising spending quality time together as a family is also key for building strong relationships.

    Have a read of this gentle parenting article too entitled Toxic Parenting: Spanking, Shaming, Threatening, Manipulating.

    I hope this doesn't come across as being overly negative towards your husband but this topic of discipline really matters - it changes children's lives and ultimately shapes the adults they will become.

    Warm wishes,
    LJ

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