Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    New Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11

    Who to discipline, the kids or the grandparents?

    I have been a working mom since I gave birth to my son. So he basically grew up with the care of his grandparents. Since my son is the first grandchild on both parties (mine and my husband's), they would normally give him everything that he asks for (even if it's no longer practical). Early this year, I decided to take the challenge to be a full time mother to my child. At first it was kinda easy for me since I was very excited to be fully in-charged with him. But as the days, weeks, or months go by, I noticed that when i say "no" to him, he would either throw tantrums or run to his grandparents who would eventually say "yes". I've tried talking to both my parents and in-laws about my concern (for several times) but it seems like nothing changed. They still spoil my son. I don't want my son to grow up hating me just because I'm trying to discipline him. How can I deal with this? Help please.

  2. #2
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    508
    rayz_825,

    We can view children's needs as inconvenient for us or we can view them as people who need our help doing what they want to do.
    As an adult if I want to paint, I get out the paints. If want a Coke from the store, I walk and go. If I want to not cook dinner, I can order pizza.

    If I had to ask permission to use the paints, or ask my husband to drive me, or ask for money and convince him why it was a good idea to spend it how I wanted to then it would change our relationship knowing that he had the power to grant or deny my request based on *his* perception of what's important.

    It's not that he trusts me to make the decisions he would. It's that he trusts that I understand my own needs.

    We can be our kids partner in helping them get what they want in life or we can be the barrier that opens or closes according to our whim.

    Our kids won't make the same choices we will. They don't have the same needs we do. If we want them to respect our needs then we need to offer them respect. We need to respect what *they* say is important, *not* what we judge to be important.
    If we want them to respect needs they don't understand then we need to respect needs we don't understand.
    It won't be an equal give and take for years and years but eventually as the cognitive ability to understand someone's needs as separate from their own grows, as they build up a feeling of being respected, kids will offer in return what they're given.

    Try saying yes more...what what happens when you do.

    Blessings

  3. #3
    New Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11
    I'll do that. Thank you.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •