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Thread: Worried about giving birth but would love to have children

  1. #1

    Worried about giving birth but would love to have children

    Hello there
    I just wonder if someone can help me answer a few questions I have on giving birth. I am 23 years old and would love to have children one day. My partner is older at 27 and would also love to have children and will be ready whenever I am. I am not to worried about carrying the baby other than fears of miscarriage however I am very worried about giving birth. I have spoken to friends and family members some of which have had terrible births which as much as they love their baby has actually put them off giving birth to another child. Is there anything you can do to increase your chances of a natural birth which is hopefully not too excruciating. I realise some will be down to luck and unforseeable circumstances however if there is anything I can do I would love to know.
    Thanks so much.

  2. #2
    If I were you, I would surround myself with women who have had positive, happy birth experiences. I adore pregnancy and birth. So much, that I have considered being a surrogate for others when I am sure my own family is complete.

    There are many things that a mother can do to help ensure she has a happy, positive experience:
    Stay in shape before and during pregnancy
    Consider hiring a labor doula
    Surround yourself with positive women
    Read positive birth stories and books
    Create a well-prepared birth plan which gives your caregiver a clear idea of the type of experience you desire

    Additionally, I would recommend reading some of the following positive, informative childbirth and pregnancy books:

    Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
    The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
    The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Heidi Goer
    Pregnancy for Dummies by Jane Palmer, Joanne Stone, Keith Eddleman, and Mary Duenwald

    I would say, start reading up on the topic now, before you conceive. It is never too early to prepare for this wonderful experience.

    After you become pregnant, attending childbirth classes is something else that I highly recommend for anxious mothers-to-be. Birthing from Within and Hypnobirthing classes are especially good.

    Just remember, your body was made to birth, naturally.


  3. #3
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Hi Charlotte,

    Angela has some really great suggestions so definitely look into those.

    For me, the thing that made my births the best they could be was choosing the best midwife. I studied about the differences between home births and hospital births, talked to other mums who had had home births, attended a friend's home birth (this was the best for helping me see what an incredibly wonderful experience home birth was for mom and baby), interviewed a midwife for 2 hours (and recorded that interview so I could listen again to all she said), and called on her references to learn more about other mum's birth experiences with that midwife.

    Truly, the birth itself (which you are most apprehensive about) is most influenced by your care provider. For me that meant a highly skilled midwife, an assistant midwife, and my dear sister-in-law who was a lay midwife and acted as a doula for me at all 5 of my births.

    When you are in labour, you do get to a point where you truly don't care what's happening around you and you are highly open to suggestion. This means that if you have a care provider whom you fully trust to make the absolute best decisions for you and your baby, that you will then be more relaxed during the birth and able to focus on allowing your body to move the baby down the birth canal. The more relaxed you are, the faster the birth goes and the less pain there is.

    If you are afraid of the pain and you know you'll want an epidural, then having a midwife with you in the hospital can be a good choice. If you know you want a natural birth without an epidural, then considering a water birth at home is a really good choice because the water acts (to a degree) like a natural epidural.

    I would encourage you to consider HypnoBirthing and water birth.

    I actually sat down and watched two of my births last night. My two youngest girls were interested in watching then (ages 7 and 10) and my now 20 year old watched some of them because she actually attended both of those births when she was younger. My children were very relaxed and calm during my births, and if children can be calm and relaxed at a birth, it means that mum feels confident about her birth experience (the practitioner she has chosen, the place where she will labour and give birth, and the atmosphere she creates for the birth (i.e. music, candles, drinking or eating what she wants, etc.).

    Here's a lovely video of a mum in labour, and her young daughter actively participating in the birth and supporting her. Please note that this is a graphic video where you get a very good view of the actual birth assisted by her husband and probably a midwife.

    Last edited by 5Homebirths4Kate; 22nd May 2012 at 09:49 AM.

  4. #4
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    I also wanted to mention that being sure to start preconception care at least 4 months before trying to conceive will reduce your chances of miscarriage.

    And one of the very best things you can do to avoid miscarriage and have an easier pregnancy and birth is to start with planning for your baby with preconception care.

    Fertility is highest in your late teens, and from there, it starts to decrease. Don't wait until you're 30 to try for your first baby because your fertility will be much less than it is now at that time.

    Hope to hear your thoughts and comments on all of this.

    Warm regards,


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