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7th May 2012 01:34 AM #1
Overcoming the Fear and Trying Again for a Homebirth
My daughter was born via emergency c-section after 4 days of pre-labour, a hospital transfer, and another day of labour, followed by an emergency c-section. When I think about having another baby (not a given but an option) I often ponder whether I could face the fear and try for another homebirth. How do you overcome the fear that it will all go wrong again and end in tragedy? Have you been there? Did you find that being pregnant gave you the strength to make the choice?
Signed a homebirth advocate that has lost her nerve…
7th May 2012 02:40 AM #2
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult birth.
There are lots of wonderful things you can do during your pregnancy which can increase your odds of having an easier, natural birth AND give you so much more confidence that your next birth will be the birth you want.
Avoiding sweets (processed foods and foods with sugar), choosing organic foods, and eating a fertility friendly and pregnancy friendly diet is a good first step. Be sure you get enough essential fatty acids like those found in flax oil or cod liver oil.
Using aromatherapy and hypnosis during pregnancy and labour can enhance emotional and physical well being, both of which would be beneficial to you during your next pregnancy.
There's an "Embracing Safety Aroma Pack" that you can purchase which gives you everything you'll need. I use aromatherapy when I just want to be calmed, or when I'm sick (using appropriate essential oils for what I need at the time). I have a diffuser that I use to diffuse the aroma into the room, but oils can be used in many different ways - many people use little burners to diffuse the oil or blend them with a base oil like almond oil, and rub them on the body (wonderful for massage).
I did a search for aromatherapy on this site and came up with many excellent resources to help you learn more about how this can help during pregnancy and birth.
I'm going to make another post (or two) discussing some other things that can be really helpful in balancing the body during pregnancy so that birth is easier.
I'm also curious as to why you needed IVF to conceive. Was it male factor, female factor, or both? Any details you can share related to this would possibly give me some insight as to why labour didn't progress normally for you. I had my last baby just one month shy of my 41st birthday, and I have a dear friend who had her last baby at 44. Both were homebirths and both progressed normally, so I know it's not simply age related. Would love to help you figure out the cause so we can address that strongly next time.
7th May 2012 07:18 AM #3
Another thing that can greatly help to ensure a faster, natural birth is having regular chiropractic treatments throughout your pregnancy. Especially starting from week 36 on. These adjustments can help your body to be in alignment, structurally, and can also help baby to be positioned as best as possible when going into labour.
The better you are aligned, and the better baby is positioned, the faster and easier labour will be.
I'm including 2 videos here, both with pregnant women in their last trimester, who are having chiropractic adjustments. You'll notice that on the first one, it's a manual adjustment.
On the second one, it's more of a non-force adjustment. There are many types of skeletal adjustments. You could even have a Cranio-Sacral Therapist do an adjustment.
My midwife suggested a chiropractor with my last two babies. They were the easiest of all 5 of my births. I wish I had gone throughout those pregnancies, but I only went from week 38 on - sometimes having 3 adjustments in a week because we needed to get baby into a better position before birth.
Acupuncture can also be used throughout pregnancy and even into labour, to keep things balanced. The more balanced your hormones are, and the more balanced your entire body is, the better birth experience you should have.
You can find an Acupuncturist here.
What I want to leave you with is this. There are many different things you can do during your next pregnancy to support your body and your baby so that you have the absolute best possible chance of having the homebirth that your heart desires.
When you're pro-active in your care during your pregnancy, you will feel empowered, and that empowerment will reduce any anxiety you may have revolving another birth. Do your research and interview some chiropractors, acupuncturisst, massage therapists, nutritionists, and anyone else you think will offer a benefit during your next pregnancy. Once you feel confident then you'll be able to make the move to have another child and you'll feel really good about that decision.
Looking forward to hearing from you again.
9th May 2012 01:22 AM #4
You've had some great info from Kate but I just wanted to add my comments.
I also experienced a traumatic birth with my son and I suffered from post traumatic stress after this. I used to replay the birth again and again in my mind and I also suffered from panic attacks. This sadly made it difficult for me to bond with my beautiful baby boy at first. Gradually, I got better. I talked through the birth in great detail with a close friend who helped me to come to terms with what had happened. I sought help from traumatic birth support groups. I also researched and read lots of information on the different birth choices available.
I am now 15 weeks pregnant and have naturally been thinking about the next birth. I must say, as you mention, that being pregnant seems to have empowered me to think through my birthing options with clarity and confidence. I am also going to book onto a Hypnobirthing course as the information I have found on this is that hypnobirthing can help women to have a calmer, quicker and natural birth. As well as this I am researching having the help and support of a doula.
Obviously I have not experienced the second birth yet so I cannot say for sure. But I can say that I feel different about the birth now - no longer fearful but empowered.
I hope this helps in some way,
Last edited by ljmarsden; 9th May 2012 at 02:06 AM.
10th May 2012 06:59 PM #5
Thanks for your thoughts Kate and LJ.
In preparing for pregnancy I was very lucky to have the care of a highly skilled chiropractor, a homeopath, ozzie midwife as my IM and also a doula, as well as a skilled IVF team to combat the endometriosis that made conception difficult, and the elevated cardio-lipin levels which made carrying to term less likely. It was nothing short of an amazing feat of teamwork which saw me pregnant and successfully on the way to birth after many many many loses.
Having witnessed the beautiful birth of my first daughter at home (via another woman) I was bent on a home birth. I attended Hypnobirthing (again) and with the unfailing support of my homebirth team, planned a glorious birth. But it was not to be.
I think if you have walked the common road and had a traumatic birth, it is easier to take courage next time because you see what you could have done and you seize that as your power. But that is not me.
I am the woman who was exceptionally well informed, took advantage of every oppotunity to 'ensure' that birth would progress smoothly, and in the end ended up at the train wreck. It's been a bitter pill to swallow.
I would be really interested to hear the thoughts and feelings of woman like me, who did it all but had a birth that was a long way from what they hoped.
15th October 2012 07:52 AM #6
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I am sorry to hear about your traumatic birth. You know I didn't really plan anything for my births but see that birthing is a time of surrender and ended up having eight homebirths. I think you have to give birth, where you feel safe. It is very difficult to dismiss your previous experiences and it takes faith in something greater than yourself, to overcome fear.
16th October 2012 09:21 AM #7
You mentioend that you had eight homebirths. How many children do you have and what are their ages?
I have five, ages 80, 18, 14, 11 and the "baby" is 8. I'm 49 and perimenopausal now so highly doubt there will be anymore blessings for us.
16th October 2012 10:13 AM #8
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Hi Kate, I am 41 and my oldest is 21 and a half, 20, 18, 16,15, 13,11, 8,6,3 and I had heart failure in my last pregnancy. So the last baby would have been about one. I think the last will always be the baby. Currently our last is so spoilt but she's gorgeous. I don't think you can give a child too much love.