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  1. #1
    New Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2015
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    11

    pros and cons of co-sleeping?

    My son still sleeps in our bed. I want him to sleep on his own. Psychologically, will sleeping beside us make him more dependent on us when he grow up?

  2. #2
    How old is your son? If he still needs your presence you should let him sleep beside you. He will grow up too fast best wishes

  3. #3
    Hi Loreen,

    Firstly, have a look at this excellent article: Co-sleeping, is it part of bonding? by Pinky McKay.

    Gentle parenting (which can include letting your child sleep near you for as long as they feel they need to) has actually been shown to produce independent older children and adults. It seems that if we give out children a strong foundation of comfort, gentleness and being nearby when they need us (including in the night) they take steps to independence at their own pace and with security.

    However, both you and your son need to be happy with him co-sleeping. If you have become unhappy with it then it may be time to gently move towards him sleeping in his own bed. You could begin this process by sleeping with him in his own room so he gets used to this and then gradually fading out your presence there. You could have a spare mattress made up for him in your bedroom incase he still wants to come back and sleep near you. Or you could transition him to the spare mattress first (rather than his room) if you think this would work better for him.

    I would not let the fear of future dependence change your sleeping arrangements. However, as I say above, if you are unhappy with it then you can start to change things.

    There is some great information on co-sleeping by Dr. Sears here: Co-sleeping: Yes, No, Sometimes?. There are also some more ideas about transitioning from co-sleeping in this previous forum post.

    Warm wishes,
    LJ

  4. #4
    New Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    11
    my son is 3 turning 4 this November. yes, I think he still needs me.

    thanks!

  5. #5
    New Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    11
    Hi LJ,

    I've been trying to make him sleep in his own bed, but I guess, he still needs me beside him at night.

    Thanks for the great insight!


    loreen

  6. #6
    Hi Loreen,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Many 3 and 4 year olds co-sleep and bedshare. If you are happy with it then no need to change anything. One day he will just decide he wants to sleep independently....then it may suddenly feel all too soon.

    I would also highly recommend the advice of Elizabeth Pantley.

    Warm wishes,
    LJ

  7. #7
    Co-sleeping allows you to have extra time and closeness with your baby Which may help you to create a stronger bond with each other.

    Pros:
    stay awake for shorter spells during the night
    wake less often
    cry less

    Cons
    If your baby gets used to falling asleep next to you, it will be difficult for her to sleep with someone else or to fall asleep on her own.

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