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  1. #1

    Treatment for a 5 year old kid

    Hi. Sometimes, whenever I call my daughter, it seems like she's not listening. I was calling her for 4 times before she responds to me or go near me. Everytime that she does that, I automatically like shout at her and tell her that I would cut her ears and never speak to her whenever she does it again. However, that disciplinary action doesn't work for her. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Hi,

    I have two main suggestions for you. The first is have you had her hearing tested recently? I'm an Audiologist and many children of your daughter's age can temporarily suffer from hearing problems through a condition called glue ear. This is where the middle ear becomes filled with fluid which makes it difficult for children to hear quiet sounds. If your daughter does have this condition then it is nothing to be concerned about as it is very common and in many cases resolves itself. However, in more persistent cases treatment such as grommets are necessary. If your daughter does have glue ear then it's also important to face her when speaking to her and to speak clearly. You can ask your doctor for a referral to have her hearing tested by an Audiology or ENT (ear, nose and throat) department.

    However, it may be the case that her hearing is normal but, again like many children, she simply becomes engrossed in the activity she is doing and doesn't reply to you. I would not respond to this with shouting as that shows that you have lost control. In fact, I believe that Gentle Discipline is an excellent way to encourage respect between parents and children and ultimately leads to good behaviour. Dr. Sears (a Gentle Parenting expert) has some excellent resources about Gentle Discipline. You can still expect good behaviour from your daughter but the way you deal with her behaviour is key in this approach.

    I hope this is helpful for you.

    Best wishes,

    LJ

  3. #3
    Yes, I believe there are no issues with her ear. I agree with your Gentle Discipline. Thank you.

  4. #4
    I'm glad the Gentle Discipline link was helpful for you. If you do have any concerns about your daughter's hearing in the future then I would check with your doctor as children's hearing levels can temporarily fluctuate due to temporary health conditions.

    Best wishes,

    LJ

  5. #5
    Telling your daughter that you will "cut her ears" and never speak to her are idle threats. What I mean by this is that you are telling her you will do things that you have no intention of carrying out.

    When you tell her things you will do, and you don't follow through, this sets up a situation where she chooses to ignore what you're saying because she knows (by your previous threats) that you will not follow through.

    Instead, you need to only tell her things that you truly will do, and then follow through with it.

    One example would be a situation like this:

    Let's pretend your daughter's name is Maria and she is watching a TV program that she likes. We will also pretend that it is dinner time and she needs to come and set the table.

    You give her the direction you want her to do.

    "Maria, please come into the kitchen, wash your hands and set the table for dinner." (You have been very specific, giving 3 actions you want her to do. You have let her know that you want her to get up and move to the kitchen, you want her to wash her hands, and you want her to set the table.)

    Maria ignores your direction.

    The next thing you should do is move towards her, while giving the direction again. This time you shorten the direction to just one action. As you move toward her, you say...

    "Maria, you need to come here now." Now you have told her to "move" or come towards you.

    Maria ignores you and continues to watch TV.

    At this point, you reach Maria, take her hand, and help her to move. You could either choose to turn the TV off before you take her hand, or after, but you want to remove the distraction and get her full attention.

    Maria should go with you to the kitchen at this point, and do what you say (give her the direction again, wash hands and set table).

    If she throws a tantrum you can remove her to her room until she can come out with a happy face and be willing to help.

    But if she goes to the kitchen with you, to do what you ask, you now have an opportunity to tell her what consequences will happen the next time you ask her to do something and she doesn't respond.

    Do NOT make a request of her more than once, unless you are moving towards her to get her to move. If you only ask once, you will not escalate to a point of anger and you will be less likely to give idle threats... which will then help your daughter to start respecting what you say. "Mum means business! I'd better do what she says."

    Now, this may seem like a lot of work on your end (you don't want to be disturbed from what you're doing) but this simple action to move towards her and take her hand to guide her back to the kitchen has done something very important.

    It has told Maria that you mean what you say (no idle threats anymore) and if she won't respond the first time, you will "help" her do what you said by taking her hand and guiding her - helping her stand up and move.

    Now you have an opportunity to curb the behavior. For the next week, you enforce every direction you give her, and you don't give any idle threats.

    Try this and I believe you will see some good change in your daughter's responses.

    Warm Regards,

    Kate
    Last edited by 5Homebirths4Kate; 6th September 2012 at 06:42 AM.

  6. #6
    Thank you so much. I will definitely try that.

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