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  1. #1

    Toddler insecurities

    Hi,

    My firstborn is almost 3 yrs old now and I am to give birth to my second next month. I am also a solo parent since my partner and I decided to part 4months ago. My question is, what can I do to make sure that my toddler will not have insecurities when the new baby arrives.

    Thanks!


    Cristina Carpio

  2. #2
    Hello Cristina!

    I have four children, each of which are roughly two-years-apart, so this is something I have a lot of experience with. I'm sure you have already taken time out to sit down with your little one and discuss the future arrival of his/her new sister/brother. If you have not done so, do it. Encourage your little one to bond with your unborn child, by discussing what will change and what will not.

    Once the baby arrives, expect some resistance and maybe even some regression. However, overall things are likely to be okay. Take the transition slow. Try not to make any other sudden changes during the immediate postpartum, such as discontinuing co-sleeping, moving, weaning from the breast, or attempting potty training (not sure if any of that applies to your little one but these are just a few common transitions when a new baby arrives). This will help to make the transition smoother.

    You may also want to invest in some books that will help to prepare your child for being a big brother or sister. Use books and your own words to emphasize the importance of their new role. Make being the "big" brother or sister an important and fun transition, rather than a loss of the only child status.

    Some hospitals and parenting groups offer classes for expectant parents and their older children. These classes are meant to help the older child transition to their new family position. If any of these classes are available in your area, you may want to consider taking part.

    Finally, try to arrange a comfortable setting for your child during your immediate postpartum or hospital stay (if you are delivering in a hospital). Also, sit down with your little one and try to explain to them, in child-friendly terms, what will happen. Let them know that you will be having a new baby soon and that it is nothing to be afraid of. If you are going to be in the hospital for a few days while the older child is with a caregiver, explain this to them ahead of time, many times over, so that they will be prepared when the time comes. This will help to alleviate any potential anxiety regarding what is happening to mummy and baby.

    Congrats!

    Angela

  3. #3
    Hi Angela,


    Thank you so much for replying on my post. I am trying your approach and yes it feels like working. Because before, he seem to not care when we are talking about the baby. But now that I have been discussing the future arrival of his new brother, he appears to be more hands on. I make him feel that his brother is not his rival but his responsibility and he seem excited. I can even hear him planning on things they/we will do when the baby arrives when he is playing. I heard him said that they will go to the zoo and play with the elephant and the lion hahaha.

    However, when I told him that he has to stay with my mom while I give birth, he does not want it. He said he wants to stay beside me and wait for the baby. It is sweet but I think it will be a problem on that day itself.

    Thanks for all your input Angela.


    Cristina Carpio

  4. #4
    Christina,

    Hope things work out well for you and your new addition.

    -Angela

  5. #5
    Hi Cristina,

    3 year olds can do VERY well attending births. You may want to have your mum meet you at the hospital and then she can decide whether it would be good to take him out or not. I had my 4 year old son and 6 year old daughter attend the birth of my 3rd child, and they did GREAT.

    Here's a beautiful video of a young child supporting mum during labor. I think it shows you how very well children adapt to the birth process. Of course you'll want someone to be fully responsible for your son and to be able to determine whether it would be best for him to be taken out or not, but he may be just fine in the room.

    Here's a slide show of a birth where a 3 year old sibling was present. Look at the smile on that big sister's face when she's holding her baby brother.


  6. #6
    And here's another video where siblings were present at the birth. This is actual video footage and is excellent.


  7. #7
    Hi Cristina,

    How are you doing? Has that little one of yours made his or her arrival yet? If so, how did the birth go?

    Warm Regards,

    Kate

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