After age 30, women seem to attract frequent reminders about the ticking of their ‘biological clock’. But men – you have one too. By your late 30s, you might wonder how old is too old to be a dad. You might have heard there are risks with conceiving as an older dad.

There are upsides and downsides to becoming a father later in life. And you can better plan if you know what you might be dealing with.

How old is “older”?

Most researchers investigating older dads start with those in their 40s. Although some even put 35-year-olds and up in the ‘older fathers’ category.

We know the average age of fathers has been steadily increasing since the seventies. For example, dads used to be 25.5 years old when registering a baby’s birth, but they’re now 33.3 years old.

Older dads and fertility

Just as a woman’s chance of conceiving declines after a specific number of birthdays, men’s fertility also declines.

If you’re still in your 20s or 30s, you have a better chance of fathering a child than if you’re 40 or older because, before age 40, men have higher-quality sperm. Given sperm contain half the instructions for making a baby, pregnancy is easier with top-notch swimmers.

The average couple trying to conceive takes about five months to become pregnant if the father is under 40. On the other side of 40, it takes around two years. Then, of course, it takes longer still if he’s over 45.

However, there is no black-and-white cut-off point when men can no longer father a child. It’s different for women, who won’t conceive once they stop ovulating at menopause.

Answering the question, ‘How old is too old to be a dad?’ or ‘Is 45 too old?’ also depends on whether you plan to have more than one baby. If it takes years to have one baby, the knock-on effect of the parents’ age further reduces their chances of conceiving again.

Pregnancy problems and older dads

After conception, there is a slightly higher risk of problems with older fathers, which includes pregnancy loss and preterm birth, and the baby having congenital disabilities and diseases. Even the chances of mental health problems and autism are higher in children born to older dads.

However, we need to put these risks into perspective. The odds of issues occurring are still only small for babies of older dads because they are low to start.

Beyond Mum and Dad – what about grandparents?

As well as considering how old is too old to be a dad – how old is too old to be a grandparent?

When babies are born to older dads, their parents may already find themselves in a slower phase of life. They may no longer be able to play active games with the little one or travel distances to visit. They might not see their grandchildren reach the milestones of adulthood. You can probably not change their health, but you can work around it.

Older dads can be young again

Like older grandparents, an older father may also have less energy for parenthood than a 20-something-year-old.

On the flip side, having children can keep you young. There’s no lazing on the couch and scrolling through social media when you have a toddler calling you to push them on the swing outside. Plus, you’ll be up to date with whatever the chart-toppers are when they’re a teen – ahead of your younger colleagues.

Another surprise of having children later in life is that your friends could be younger. Your existing friends might be long past the nappy phase, now sending their “babies” to uni. But you’ll meet dads in the same stage of life as you through your kids’ activities. Through shared parenting challenges, your social circle will expand with younger families.

Money and career factors bring pros and cons

Being more advanced in their careers, some older dads may have senior roles that make it difficult to take leave. Alternatively, being the ‘head honcho is an excellent opportunity to model family-friendly flexibility to all.

Fathers in their 40s and beyond may also be more financially secure, which can take the stress out of family life and give more flexibility for parents taking time off. In turn, this financial security improves the child’s well-being .

Bonus wisdom, patience and perspective

The life experience that older dads bring is undoubtedly valuable for fatherhood. Researchers report that older fathers show better parenting skills, more involvement with their little ones and greater maturity. By age 40, you’ve probably had richer experiences to broaden your horizons, which someone in their 20s hasn’t yet had.

One older Dad, writer Philip Lerman, says being an older dad makes his son lucky: ‘He is lucky because I am old enough to give my son what I could never have given him when I was younger: patience.

Older dads are more patient, I think because we know we will probably never go through all this again…these moments are golden gifts from God.’

Whatever their age, for dads ready to experience these moments, the next step is to read our articles on:

• Preparing for fatherhood: What you need to know and do
• How dads can help new mums: 9 essential tasks.

Reference List

PBB aims to keep you informed with the latest research-based information. Check out our reference list used in the creation of this article.

Published 18th January 2023