Little girl you left so soon

Little girl you left so soon.
I wept so hard and so long,
but my tears would not return you.
You were both my blessing and my agony.
I knew not how I would ever go on.

But relentless, time refused to stop,
and sit by me,
on the floor,
while I cried.

It forced me up and onward.
Forward through so many more losses.
Agony blurring into agony.

I clung to you then as though you were my promise.
Your loss had not killed me.
It would make me stronger… and deliver me a living baby.

And then it came.
The most beautiful sound on earth.
The cry of a newborn child.
My child.
Healthy and strong.

My heart broke open that day,
for the agony I had suffered,
and was instantly filled with the joy,
this new child brought.

She is my blessing and my agony.
A constant reminder of all I have,
and all I have lost.

Never a day creeps by when I don’t look at her,
and think of you.
Not a day when I do not gaze into her eyes,
and wonder whether you gazed into them before me.
Not a day when I do not think,
you whispered in this little soul’s ear,
and asked her to go to me,
to ease my pain,
To help mend my shattered heart.

Not when I do not thank you for that act of love.

One day many years from now,
you will come to me,
and slip your tiny hand in mine,
and gaze into my eyes and say…
“Mummy, it’s time to come home now.”

Until then my sweet, you live in my heart.
I love you now and forever my darling…
Annabelle Myrtle May.

16 May 2013
Ten years on…