In a perfect world, all expectant parents would be assured of receiving non-discriminatory, thoughtful and supportive care during pregnancy and birth. Unfortunately, despite making many great leaps forward, discrimination still exists for same-sex and rainbow families.

At a time that should be one of the happiest and most exciting, expectant LGBTQIA+ parents can find themselves wondering whether they will receive the support all expecting and new parents need. Many LGBTQIA+ people have experienced discrimination within the health care system or have heard horror stories from others, which can create a sense of concern or even fear.

While discrimination does exist, new and expectant parents in same-sex and rainbow families can take steps to help ensure they receive inclusive support.

Choosing your maternity care providers

We are vulnerable during pregnancy and birth, particularly when it is our first child. We are reliant on the care providers we choose to inform us, support us, and protect us. While there is no way to ensure 100% acceptance in a care setting, LGBTQIA+ parents can certainly take steps to ensure they receive the care and support they need and deserve.

The language care providers use on their websites, and printed information can say a lot about inclusiveness for same-sex and rainbow families, or its lack. For example, are the words ‘mum and dad’, ‘mother and father, or “’he and she’” used when referring to parents? Does the website include a specific, explicit and direct statement of its commitment to LGBTQIA+ inclusion and equality?

A firsthand recommendation goes a long way. If possible, speak to other same-sex and rainbow families who have had good experiences and find out who their care providers were. If you don’t know any families, don’t be afraid to ask this question in online forums or social media groups. There are always same-sex and rainbow families more than willing to help others navigate the journey to parenthood.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking care providers direct questions. The answers care providers give and how receptive they are to the questions can say a lot about your future care.

Questions you might ask include:

• Have you cared for many LGBTQIA+ parents during pregnancy?
• Have staff completed LGBTQIA+ awareness training?
• How do you ensure all staff respect chosen personal pronouns?
• What steps has your practice taken to ensure equality of care for same-sex and rainbow families?

Beware of the catch-all statement ‘we treat everyone the same.’ The truth is that treating everyone the same is often part of the problem because true equality is about accepting and celebrating differences, not about trying to apply a one-size-fits-all approach.

While we hope for a time of true equality, for now, we can’t expect everyone to be an expert. Consider stating concerns to the care provider and gauging their response. For example, ‘I am transgender. I am worried that I will have to keep explaining my gender identity as staff come and go. How will you try to ensure this isn’t my experience?’

Planning for antenatal classes

Antenatal classes are attended by parents and birthing partners of all variations. If you are concerned about acceptance, consider discussing this with class educators in advance to gauge their approach to inclusiveness.

That said, because educators can’t control the participants’ opinions, mainstream antenatal classes can sometimes feel less supportive than you would hope. Alternatively, you might like to seek out an LGBTQIA+ antenatal class. They exist and can offer opportunities to learn and share your hopes and concerns with other same-sex rainbow families. You might even make some lasting friendships.

Continuity of care

One of the hurdles that can present itself regarding inclusion is continuity of care. If you are using the public system, you may encounter many care providers throughout your pregnancy and during your labour. If you have chosen a hospital birth, the last thing you want to be doing during labour and birth is repeatedly explaining yourself or your partner to new staff.

To combat this, when you arrive, ask staff to note down anything you feel is vital for them to know, e.g., your relationship preferred personal pronouns etc. Ask that this information is included in all staff handovers.

It can also be helpful to have someone with you to field these questions, for example, a family member or friend. If you do, make sure this person is good at managing situations and people directly, calmly and without fuss.

A midwife that provides continuity of care throughout your pregnancy, labour and birth can remove a great deal of the uncertainty you may have around being supported. It can also remove the need to explain yourself and your relationship to staff constantly.

Read more about why midwifery care has better outcomes for mothers and babies.

Support after the baby arrives

The first few months after a new baby arrives can be eye-opening for parents. All new parents inevitably have those moments when they seriously question how on earth they believed they were ready for this! One of the factors that can make or break your experience in these early weeks is the amount of helpful support you have, including both physical and emotional support.

When we face challenges in life, having affirming and positive support is vital. Ahead of time, think about the friends and family you feel you can ask for help from after the baby is born and those who mean well but always seem to say or do things you find insensitive or upsetting. These are the considerations you might like to include when you create your postnatal plan.

Contacting other same-sex parents and rainbow families can make all the difference to your early parenthood experience. Consider seeking out LGBTQIA+ parenting or playgroups, something that you can do before the baby arrives and after.

It is true that elements of your parenting journey are, and will be, different to those of mainstream families. However, it can also feel good to be among other members of the LGBTQIA+ community and draw support and positivity from their experiences.

Looking after you

Pregnancy and new parenthood can overwhelm any of us. If you feel as though you require more support than you are receiving, be proactive in reaching out, which is especially important if you find you are struggling with remaining positive.

It is essential to remember that you are not alone. Others have walked the path before in creating their rainbow families. Support is out there.

Contacting a friend or family member you know is an LGBTQIA+ ally, and sharing what you are feeling, may help. Open-minded and non-discriminatory support is also available through telephone, online and face-to-face counselling.

Reference List

PBB aims to keep you informed with the latest research-based information. Check out our reference list used in the creation of this article.

Page published 22nd February 2022